*looks at pet* fucking furry lmao
maybe this year ill find a boyfriend [audience laughs in the background]
*university voice* unfortunately… we have too much money… so we have to raise tuition so we can build a place to keep all the other money in… so sorry unavoidable
me: what’s for dinner?
her: *spreads her legs*
so, did you not cook or ….. cause popeyes closes at 10 and i need to leave now if i’m gon make it.
My dad was complaining about buying me books yesterday and I said “well at least it’s books” and then the cashier goes “yeah it could be drugs”